WALT:Recount Our Holidays
One hot sunny day I went to Okahu beach with my family.When I saw the water it was crystal clear, I could see the sand under the water.When I got in the water it felt as cold as ice so I just played and played in the water until the water was warm.When my sisters got in the water they ran out and shouted out guys and than I said ‘just play until yous get warm’ so they played.Girls shouted out my mum came and have something to eat so we got out of the water and me and my sisters got a towel from my mum and we had KFC.After we had KFC my dad went to get 6 ice creams then my dad came back and he got the ice creams and we ate it then we just went home and watched T.V until we were tired enough to go to sleep then after we watched movies then we went to sleep.
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I love your story, But maybe next time you can read your story out loud and what I have noticed is that you keep using after that and then after that maybe next time you can try find another word to cover the word after that, but you have done a really good job
ReplyDeleteOMG THAT IS SO COOL
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